Shouldn't you have found center by now?

As a thirty-something woman, I've found myself frustrated lately by the fact that I haven't arrived yet. The seventeen year old me would have quickly laid out the timeline for anyone who asked, or stood still long enough for me to rattle it off. Graduate with honors from Columbia University with a photojournalism major by 22. Become a well-known, globetrotting writer by 24. Marry by 26, but skip the kids, they're kinda messy. Go on to live a big, busy, power-life and become the envy of those who keep score of such things.

None of that imagined life came to pass. It actually took me about 8 years to get a Bachelor's in English from a local University. Rather than jetsetting at 23, I was married and still fumbling about looking for a career. I actually just left a teaching career earlier this year to take a federal job. Shouldn't I know what I want to be by now? We've lived in this house for over three years now - shouldn't we have finished those improvements by now? These self-criticisms crop up when I lose focus.

By focus, I don't mean drive or motivation. What I mean is I get so busy in being me, I neglect to look to Christ first. My prayer life slips a bit, my Bible gets dusty. Before you know it, I have put Christ on the wall in one of those plastic cases with the red Emergency use only buttons. What's worse is I don't even notice I do it until I'm yanking on the button with all I've got left in me. The lyrics, "I called and You answered and you came to my rescue and I want to be where you are," were written on my heart before they ever made their way onto a cd.

But that's the really cool thing about God. Every time I've hit the button, He's been there waiting for me. He's also there on those days when I remember to seek Him first. And He's promised that He isn't done with me. Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phillipians 1:6) He doesn't say He will carry it on until I get myself together, or until I've dethroned Martha Stewart with my own homemaking skills, or until I've made my way to the top in my job. He says He will carry it on until the day of Christ. This is a very good thing, because at the rate I'm going, I'm going to need all that time and then some.

So, what are you going to blog about?

This has been the question of the day off and on over the past few months. You see, I'm a blog reading addict (although time limitations have quelched reading lately, I'm certain I'll catch up soon). I also enjoy writing a bit myself, or at least expressing my opinions. It doesn't necessarily matter if anyone else cares to know what I think about things or not. I have a need to express, so I express. In an effort to assist me, my husband was nice enough to set me up with this blog. Since then, I've been buckling under the pressure. What should I write about? It should be profound, right? But, I don't have profound thoughts very often.

When I was teaching English to mangy, unruly eighth graders, I would go ballistic when a paper started with What I'm going to tell you about... or What I'm going to write about is... However, a loose focus, or expectation is probably appropriate, so here goes. I've recently become increasingly aware of how content I was to let Christ float around in the periphery of my life rather than be the center. I've become comfortable with complacency in several areas of life and need to make improvements. So, I may post about something that touched me in Bible study. I may post about something I do to be a better or more creative Mommy. I could post a recipe. I may even post about my 3 year old pooping in the potty (although I will endeavor to keep those to a minimum). Basically, you'll get a few snapshots of 30-something woman trying to "do life" better.